The Start of Something New

2013 is finally coming to a close. I'm actually quite happy that it's finally turning to 2014. I've honestly had enough of this year. After being fired back in March, the year just got worse and worse. Nothing really seemed to go my way. Especially on the job front. Granted, there were some awesome moments this year. Doing my first three half marathons was pretty freaking sweet. And my first Warrior Dash. My first team 5K, too. Going to California.

So there were some awesome things that happened this year. But I really feel that the negative outweighed the positive. There were so many times where I was just emotionally drained that I can honestly say that I wish I wasn't of this earth anymore. I can probably count the amount of times on one hand. Thinking that way is not something I have done in a long time. But this year...Something about this year just really took me to that level of thinking. I was not that happy with my life a lot of times. I hid it from a lot of people. Running seemed to be the only way I was able to vent and that, I felt, could only go so far. The thoughts still came. And I need to stop the thoughts more.

Flash forward. 2014.

I like years that are divisible by 2. It just kind of makes it feel like anything is possible. And I'm going to try my hardest to make this the best year possible.

I'm going to start with my running. I want to run every day, even if it's just a mile. Just being able to go 365 days with at least one mile ran will be a huge accomplishment for me. I'm really excited to start it first thing tomorrow with a five miler. And now that I have to change my training schedule for the last few days before Disney, I think it's a good time to get use to doing an extra three miles a week. I think it'll add up pretty damn quick.

Speaking of Disney. I want to have it be the most amazing race of my life. I'm really excited for this one more than the other six or seven that I have planned in 2014 so far. I wish I could go into more about this. But I can't. It's just so much to comprehend.

I want to write more. This will be the hardest thing to do since I always seem to forget.

I want to be a better Magic player. More in terms of I want to not take losing so seriously. I'd like to do well at some major event, though. That'd be pretty sweet.

I want to lose weight and gain muscle. I really feel that I'm going to have the most trouble with this. I honestly have no idea how to go about it. I have tried various things but I think I really need to do something that I can stick with week after week. Month after month. I have a few ideas and I think that doing a mile a day will help with this as well. I'm probably going to start after I get back from Disney, that way I can figure out some plan to do. I need all the help with this one. All the help. I'm going to try MyFitnessPal. Again.

Do more outdoor activities.

KEEP MY FUCKING JOB.

Be there for people more. I need to be more reliable and more dependable.

I think that this year can be the year. I just have to get better.

Two Thousand Fourteen

I have sixteen days left until 2013 is officially done. Sixteen days doesn't seem like a lot but in the grand scheme of things, it really is. It means that I only have sixteen days to get the most out of this year as possible. I have no idea what that can actually consist of but I plan on doing as much as possible before the year is officially over. There are a few things that I would like to do before 2014 takes another year of my life.

For one, I want to hit 850 miles ran. I am currently at 803 miles. Looking at my schedule, I really feel that I can hit it. This will be one hell of an accomplishment for me, seeing that last year was my first time really running on a regular basis. A few years ago, I was running once in a blue moon but now, having a schedule and a training program really has made things so much easier for me. I'm actually really enjoying it.

Secondly, I'd like to sit and re-sleeve my Cards Against Humanity set. I've gotten more cards and need to really fix it up. For some reason, I really think this is going to take the longest.

Lastly, I would love to find a job. It'd be a Christmas/New Years miracle seeing that it has been the most difficult nine months since I was fired from my last job. Still bothers me about that. I hope that things get better in the next few weeks. I really do.

Before the end of the year, I'm going to come up with my resolutions for next year. I'm also going to write my race schedule for 2014.

And maybe I'll re-sleeve my game.

Looking Forward

I will be coming back to this in 2014. I am going to make an effort to write more in here than I have in the past year. I feel it's a good outlet for me.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. Today will be spent with family and friends. And try not to shop today. It's better to make a stance against corporations forcing their employees to work on this day than to actually support it.

I'm just glad tomorrow is my 8 mile run. Gotta work off all this food.

Overdue library books

This morning was like some sort of epiphany. I haven't written in almost a month. Why? I honestly don't know. Lack of real good things to write about, I guess. I wrote one post all of last month. Only have 50 posts this year. I really think that needs to change. I know it's not New Years Eve yet but I'm making this a resolution. I need to write more since I feel so much better after venting on here, even if no one really reads it.

So what's been going on over the last month. For starters, I finished three half marathons. I will say that I had a post ready for that last month. Had part of it saved. I was going to write about all three and what it was like doing them. Then I just couldn't really get back into it. I will say that accomplishing that goal was amazing. I never really thought that I would ever get this far in my life. Going from being someone who use to weigh almost 300 pounds to go down to 227 and running 13.1 miles in less than two-and-a-half hours is amazing to me. The medals hanging on my wall just make me smile every time I look at them. And it's not going to end. I'm already training for January's half marathon at Disney World. After Disney, there are a ton of races that I am going to do. I think I'm up to five or six next year. Maybe I should make some sort of goal. 10. I want to do 10 half marathons next year.

I'll have to remember that for my NYE resolutions.

Speaking of Disney, there's less than 70 days until I go. I really can't wait. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. This will be only the second time I have flown by myself. Granted, my girlfriend is coming with me but I don't fly by myself that often. So I guess I'm not really going alone. For the race, I plan on dressing up as Prince Eric in a race outfit. Probably a white tech shirt, blue pants and a red sash. I'll figure out the boots thing later. I think it'll be pretty cool since we are staying in a Little Mermaid room and my girl loves Ariel. She might dye her hair red for it. We'll see on that one. Otherwise, we have the whole weekend planned out. Got everything taken care of. I just hope it doesn't snow. That's the one thing I'm afraid of. They already changed my flight time last week so I have to check to make sure that the passes we have for pick up at the airport are OK.

I started playing Magic more. I've actually been doing pretty well lately. Been getting in the top 8 a lot, which is very surprising. I currently have a deck that I really like and think I'm going to stick with it for a while. I was told yesterday at an event that he didn't want to play me because he didn't want to lose (which he ultimately did) since I was a better player than him. It was quite the compliment. We will see. We will see. I have to fix my EDH decks eventually. Maybe I'll do that on Thursday.

Still going bad on the job front. I have a meeting with unemployment on the 12th. I keep applying but keep getting denial letters or no calls at all. Just having a hard time with that. I wish I didn't have so much trouble.

Damn. Now I'm sad.

One Long Year

I haven't written on my blog in over a month. I've been so busy with life that I haven't really had time to just sit and put my thoughts down on digital paper. Between training, trying to find a job (which has been completely unsuccessful), trying to have a life, fitting time for Magic and my girlfriend, the blog just took a back seat to everything. Even now I'm sitting with three windows open and having a hard time really writing on here. But in all honesty, this isn't a post about my current life troubles.

This weekend is the ING Hartford Marathon. I am going to be running in my third half marathon in six weeks. It's quite an accomplishment for me that I have come this far. I honestly can't believe that I am really going to be running my third race in this short amount of time. I don't know if anyone really knows this but last year was my first real trek into running. I decided to do a 5K in honor of my girlfriend and I did all that fundraising for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and raised $6000 because of amazing Magic: the Gathering players. I ran the race and finished in 28:02. My first ever 5K and I did it under 30 minutes. I was amazed. I couldn't honestly believe it. A lot of runners online were shocked as well and told me that I could totally do a half marathon the next year. I definitely scoffed at them, thinking that I would never be able to get to that point in running.

But now, a year later, and I'm staring down my third opportunity to get another medal. My wall hanger is already halfway full with virtual race medals as well as my divisional second place medal at the Bluff Point Trail run and my Warrior Dash bottle opener medal. I can already picture my Hartford Half marathon medal sitting there in it's multicolored glory with all the other medals that I have earned this year.

Looking at this weekend, it's not really just a race. It's more of an accomplishment that I have gotten this far. I can look at this weekend as one of the best things I have ever done. I can look at it as that I have finally completed something I set forth back in January. This weekend is a culmination of training and hard work and sacrifice to finally get to one ultimate goal: finish 13 miles on this particular weekend. Every person that has ever been there for me or supported me or insulted me or told me I could never do this will be with me this weekend. It'll be my opportunity to thank them or to prove them wrong. In some cases, both.

Now to register for some races next year.

The First of Many

Today was the day.

Going into my first half marathon, I was worried. I've been running this entire year, minus a few times, but have gradually increased my amount of miles each couple of weeks. So I don't really think it was the distance that shook me. I think it was going into my first huge race. I've done a few 5Ks and those are nothing in comparison. It really freaked me out that I might be in over my head. Was I? Probably. It's tough for a man who, just in the past few years, use to weigh seventy pounds more than he does now. I never thought it'd ever go well. I kind of knocked myself down before I actually started.

Then this happened.

Yup. I finished. In record time, too. 1:59:25. Let me put that in perspective for you.

8/23/2013 -> 12 miles in 2 hours
8/30/2013 -> 12 miles in 1 hour, 54 minutes
9/06/2013 -> 12 miles in 1 hour, 52 minutes

Looking at those numbers, I should have finished my 13.1 miles in a little after 2 hours. But I really pushed it. I really wanted to have this race be something I would remember for the rest of my life. I guess I did that. I also found my love for Epson salt.

In two weeks, I have Rock N Roll Providence. I don't plan on making this one faster than Surftown. I plan on going at my own pace. Lots of hills on this one. But I plan on still dominating (ie. finishing).

Zombie Charge (and then some)

Today was the first ever Zombie Charge race. Ever. I wanted to do this race months ago but completely forgot to register for the event. Then Groupon had a deal and I was like now is the chance. I have never registered for a race so close to the actual event taking place. I think it was like last week or something when I registered. But it was definitely worth it.

So the premise of the whole thing this doctor created Nectar, which is the cure for zombies. But you can only take it up to thirty minutes after you've been infected (had all your flags taken from your belt). If you didn't, you became fully infected and had to go through decontamination to make it through the rest of your life. It was really cool. The place was this rock quarry/tree farm/regular farm in North Stonington, CT. There were zombies every where. In the woods right at the start, in the quarry, hiding in trees and in the mud. It was crazy. A lot of people lost all their lives right near the start. Quarry zombies are fast. Little kid zombies were slow. And the prize for making it through all three miles of this crazy obstacle course?

Yup. Bling.

Oh wait. I didn't mention it was an obstacle course as well? There were plenty of obstacles to get your hear racing through this event. Cargo nets, rock walls, wood walls, monkey bars, water slides. All things you'd expect in a zombie apocalypse. They even had a sniper on the roof of this barn. After 10am, three US military parachuters came right above everyone and landed to greet all the runners. It was quite the show. I was really pleased with the entire event. There were plenty of food vendors, free samples from Monster energy drinks, raffles and photo opportunities. They even brought in actress Addy Miller, who you would know as "Summer"/Little Girl Walker from the first episode of season one of The Walking Dead. I got my bluray of season one signed by her. Overall, I'm really glad this event took place. I'm really enjoying these races. I never thought I would enjoy obstacle course races but they are very fun.

I realized today that I'm quite addicted to getting medals for races. The next five events that I go to, four of them give me a medal. Color Me Rad is the only event that I don't get a medal for competing, instead the reward is getting doused in colors. So I'm quite excited that I will be getting/making a medal holder soon. I definitely need one.

Rest and Relaxation...for now

Yesterday was my big fundraiser that I was having at my church. It was the second Magic: the Gathering tournament that I have ever held on my own. And I felt like I really did a great job on the whole thing. I mean, last year was a much bigger turnout than this year but I'm not faulting it on me. I think the people who did show up are amazing people with fantastic hearts.

We raised over $3300 for LLS and Cyril van der Haegen. I'm going to split the money between the two of them.

So now that my fundraiser is over, I can focus on my races. Which, by my calendar, starts this coming Saturday. So, without further ado!

September 7

This one was a last minute addition to my racing docket. I was planning on doing this one a while ago but the price just got too high until they had a Groupon for it. My friend Hannah and I will be chased by zombies through a farm in North Stonington, CT that has woods, obstacles and a corn maze. I probably won't sleep for a week. But I'm OK with that. I'm quite excited for this one. I love zombies and have always wanted to know what it was like to get chased by them. I'm super freaking scared at the same time. I know it's not real but just the thought of someone chasing after you, wanting your flesh. Exhilarating.

September 15

I first saw this one when I was registering for my race in October (I'll get to that one) and I was like, it's so close to me. So after reading a bit more about it and talking to some friends online about it, I decided to bite and do it. The medal you get really excited me a lot too. So it was sort of a "last minute" thing since I wasn't really expecting to do more than one half marathon this year. But why not. I'll rock it. Plus, the course is flat. Very flat. And there is a huge fall festival after the race I get to go to!

September 21

Was I ever going to get the memo that obstacle races aren't really for me? Probably not. After doing the Pineapple Challenge earlier this year and the 5K Foam Fest a few months ago, I figured I was done with these obstacle challenges. I can't climb walls for shit. Like, I'm bad at it. Really bad. I know there are ones next weekend and I do hope to conquer them but this one is going to be the real challenge. I plan on finishing it, though. And, the best part? I'm going to have a mohawk and huge freaking sideburns that go to my mustache. Sort of like a certain Major General from the Civil War. That should be a treat!

September 28

Just a short one about this. I'm running this with my mom and I'm not really planning on actually running it. It'll be a nice walking event where I can just get colored and enjoy the morning. Then I'm going to a running expo in Providence, RI immediately afterward that is for my next race.
















September 29

This is definitely last minute. A friend of mine had some coupons for this event and it got me some money off. I love the medal (which is a pair of amps!) and I'm really excited for this one. I watched the video of the path for this and you go throughout Providence. There is like one huge hill that I'm scared of but I think the rest of it will be easy, especially the way I'm now doing my long runs. I think I can really blow this one out of the park completely. Plus, there is going to be a runDisney meetup too! I'm excited.

October 12

This was going to be my first half marathon ever but I clearly changed that. This is the reason I'm fundraising. I'll be joining the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society for this event and I couldn't be happier. This will be the most fun race this year and running through Hartford, CT just sounds really fun. Then, once it's all said and done, I can finally take a rest and a week off from training. Then, my eyes are all set for January and for this bad boy...

this week. oh boy.

This week is going to be the longest week. I have so much stuff to do. I even forgot to do some of it today. Tomorrow will be just as busy. I can't wait for this fundraiser week to be over with. I'm not upset about the fundraiser. Just a lot of work to do and I wish I started it all last week.

training away the days

I'm like getting the itch.

Not that kind of itch. I mean, there are times after I run but that's for another blog post/doctor visit. No! I have the running itch! Like, I am ready to start planning 2014 out already. It's not too soon, is it? I don't think it is. I mean, I can't register for most of the races since they don't have any registration dates up. I keep looking and nothing shows up. But I am so ready for 2014. And it starts out with the most magical race ever!

ERMEGERD! You can't believe how excited I am about this. I like keep hoping that Disney is like tomorrow. I wish that I got to do the other runDisney events that are happening this year (I almost signed up for the Wine & Dine race but got yelled at by a certain someone). I want my 2014 racing season to start. I already have a bunch of races that I really want to do this year.

*Tough Mudder 2014
*Spartan Race (Spartan Sprint to start)
*ING Hartford Half or Full marathon (probably the half)
*O'Niantic 2014

That's just what I can think of off the top of my head. As it gets closer, I'm sure I'll start coming up with my actual race schedule.

In other news, this Friday officially starts the home stretch of my training. I've come so far since January 4th and I can see my results to this day. I mean, I've fluctuated between 238 pounds down to 228 and back up to 234 and back down to 229. It's been a tough year but seeing that I was pushing 290 a few years ago, I see this as a huge, huge improvement. September 15th is my first ever half marathon in the Surftown Half Marathon, which I am super stoked for. For one, it'll be my first official half marathon medal (a freaking surfboard!!). Second, it's in beautiful Westerly, RI. I love Westerly. And C, I get to go to the FallFest in Westerly right after the race! Followed by this is Warrior Dash and Color Me Rad.

After those is Rock N Roll Providence. I'm super excited for this one cause the medal is a pair of amps! So freaking awesome. After my girl's birthday, it's the ING Hartford Half Marathon. So, as you can see, I'm really excited for 2014. The closer I get, the more happier I seem to be.

The other part about the end of this year? Possibly hitting 1000 miles in one year. Can I do it? We weil see. I'm not too positive on it but I'm gonna try my hardest.

intangible virtue

I really haven't had any thoughts on my mind as of late. I don't know why, really. I sit at my computer for most of the day and I just stare at my screen and do so much randomness that any ideas that I possibly had are now completely gone. Like, as I write this right now, I find so much other stuff to do that I just stop writing. I just feel so absent minded.

Much better than The Nutty Professor. Cause it's Disney
All I have been thinking about lately is September. September is going to be the busiest month for me this year. As soon as my charity tournament ends, I have no life for the entire month. I mean, it's stuff that I want to do so it's not a big deal that I'm busy. And I'm really excited for it. More than I thought I would be. First ever half marathons times three! Four freaking races that I can't wait to cross the finish line with. All this training that I have been doing will finally prove to my mind and body and maybe soul that I can actually do this. I know that I can do it because I've been doing it anyway. Next Friday I start my "Week 11" training for the Hartford Half Marathon. "Week 12" is going to have to get edited hardcore.

But I think I'm really excited for my new look. Take a look at my most recent picture over there on the left. I haven't cut my hair in a few months and I haven't shaved in probably just as long. I really want to do something outrageous for the Warrior Dash on September 21st. I've already decided that I'm going to go all mohawk for it. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for the rest of the races I have until October is over. I do want hair when I go to Disney in January for the Half Marathon. That's for my own personal reasons. I don't think I want to be bald in the most magical place on earth, especially in January since it will be freezing up here in Connecticut and probably warm as hell down in Florida. Or it might be cold down there too. Who knows. But back to Warrior Dash. Yea. Mohawk. No clue what I want to do with the beard but I have a few more weeks to figure that out. Thoughts?

This Thursday I'm going to New York City with the girlfriend. She's going to be looking at a college for her masters degree. Should be a fun time with her in the big city. I get to go to Midtown Comics so I'm pretty happy. Then on Saturday I'm playing in an awesome EDH tournament in Norwich, CT. I'm excited to try out my deck. I want to make one or two more small changes to it before I go into it.

Now off to bed. Gotta go run in the morning.

Mr. 500

I didn't realize that the image flashed. That's pretty cool.
It's August 9th and I didn't actually see myself hitting this sort of "milestone" in my life. I have officially ran my 500th mile (currently have ran 508.10 miles to date this year) and part of me was very disappointed with the results. I mean, I can't really complain. This time last year I was struggling to hit 2 or 3 miles on a consistent basis. So actually getting to 500 miles makes me so freaking proud. But I'm still a tad bit disappointed with myself.

Normally, my long runs consist of me eating half a bagel with jelly before I go and then having a GU energy gel pack when I reach my halfway mark for my run. I forgot both because today I tried EnergyBits for the very first time. I was given a sample by the company to review and I figured the best time to do it was when I had a long run. And a crazy long run it was. It rained consistently the entire time. I think I had maybe a five minute mark where there was nothing coming down but other than that, it was wet out. I think I ran into at least 4 puddles. Today was the perfect time to try it.

I'm a little upset that I didn't eat part of a bagel like I always do or that I forgot my gel. I honestly can say, though, that the bits really helped me out...when I was running my first five miles. After that, I honestly felt sluggish. I went from running 8:40/mile to 11:00/mile. I'm not blaming the EnergyBits on this one at all. I blaming myself for not following the routine that I've been having for months now. I think that if I was able to have some constant energy through the entire run, I would have stayed around 9:30/mile. So I don't know if it was because I used all the energy up in the first half of my run. I really enjoyed them and they were really easy to take. I just swallowed the entire canister of bits, drowned them with water and did my stretches. As soon as I began to run, it was amazing. But then I hit a sort of road block afterward.

Like I said, I don't think it's the EnergyBits fault on this one. I really feel that my body was waiting for that extra energy that it knows it gets at the halfway point and all it got was water. I could tell after miles eight, nine and ten that my body just wanted to give up. I would try to run four minutes and then walk thirty seconds to just try and get the run over with. I hate feeling that way, especially considering earlier this week I had the best runs of the year. So it was definitely a shot in the gut today.

I'm going to blame the rain on it. Sounds good, right? Yea.

Would I recommend the EnergyBits to someone? Absolutely. The first five miles were the best on a long run that I have ever had. I didn't feel any pain and I really loved those miles. I just think with how I personally am and how my body needs the extra energy, I could have used more later in the run. It was my fault for having it not work out properly, which will be something I make sure doesn't happen again.

after the week of hell

I. Am. Back.

After last week, and the agonizing pain that my back was in, I never thought that things were to get back to how they were. I mean, deep down, I knew I'd at least be at a pace that I was at a few weeks ago. I wasn't too pleased with the past few weeks of running. Pace just seemed really off. I understand that a lot of it had to do with the horrible heat that we had for what seemed like a month. So I was a little weary going into this week, thinking that I was going to be well below par on my running.

That was until I finished my run on Monday. 3.10 miles in 26:42. Granted, it's not the fastest time that I've done this year (26:05 one month ago) but it's still about 2 minutes faster than I was last year. And, after getting injured, I really didn't think that I would be busting out of the gates so well. Then today came. I think it's my fastest 5 mile run that I've ever done. 44:57. I'm just really blown away by the numbers that I put up in just two days. I'm not trying to jinx myself at all. I'm just so freaking pleased with what seems to be brand new legs.

I think taking that week of from running really helped me center myself. Focus. I could definitely tell for a week that I needed it. My mind was just lost. Running is definitely something that I have needed in my life for a very long time and I'm glad that it's back, stronger than ever.

Now I'm really excited for my month and a half of races coming up. First one is September 15th. Surftown Half Marathon in Westerly, RI. My first ever half marathon. I honestly can't wait. Then the next week is Warrior Dash up in Thompson, CT. The week after that is Color Me Rad as well as the Rock 'n' Roll Providence (the medal is a pair of sub woofers!!!). After that, I have the Hartford Half Marathon and the most exciting month and a half of running will be complete. I'm really excited about it. So many races. So many medals. So many miles. And speaking of miles. Six more til I reach 500 for the year. 500!

some changes

I wrote a blog post earlier but felt like it wasn't really what I wanted to say.

So the other day I hurt my back doing Insanity. I know that I probably was pushing myself too much on it but I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I wanted to be able to go through this quickly but didn't think that I'd be sitting in my chair right now with a pillow behind my back and in pain. I mean, I'm sure not everyone thinks that this is where they were going to be 24 hours ago. I certainly didn't.

And then I went on a rant about how I'm done trying to do this. I don't honestly think that's what I wanted to say. But at the time, and in that much pain, it's what came out. Am I disappointed? Yes. Will I say that kind of thing again? Possibly. Am I going to give up? Definitely not. I have yet to really give up on everything. There have been so many setbacks this year with my running. First was an injury in my calf late last year. Then I had a cyst taken out of my back and couldn't run for 2 weeks because it was very difficult (sweat and blood don't really mix well, especially when they are oozing out of a hole in your back). Then it was the heat for 2 weeks. Now this. I didn't quit then. Why would I quit now?

In a way, this kind of relates to the rest of my life. I always seem to quit certain things in my life. I'm not trying to go all "Wahhhhh!" on here. It's just something that I have noticed over time. It's something I do want to fix. Just having a really hard time.

My back is feeling better. Unfortunately, it took me a few days to actually write this. Sitting in this chair is very uncomfortable. I'm getting there. Gotta go do some stretches now.

Insanity Day 1

Today began my sixty day trip into hell and back.

The first circle I entered was the Fit Test. Or, as I like to call it, Limbo. It seems that my first trip has me residing in where all the unbaptized go. I really started as someone who did not accept Shaun T (the creator of Insanity) into my life. I stayed here for a while, swaying back and forth in deciding if I really wanted to go this route. I finally accepted it in my life and moved onto circle two.

Lust. Wanting the change in my life started to change me overnight. This is where my punishment began. And for a while, this is where I'm going to stay. I can say that I will get to the other circles of hell throughout this entire sixty day field trip. I can already tell that at some point, I will get to anger, heresy, and violence. I'm sure this will all be a part of the experience. Gluttony and greed start today cause I am already craving food and energy. I want them. Badly. And the last two? Fraud and treachery? Those will be replaced by some new type of hell. It'll take me sixty days to figure those out but I know that at one point, I will figure those out.

The Fit Test was actually an enjoyable workout. It was tough. It was quick. It kicked my butt. It made me do stuff that I've never done before and actually succeed at it. It had me do switch kicks, power jacks, power knees, power jumps, globe jumps, suicide jumps, push-up jacks and low plank obliques. Each for one minute. I wrote all my numbers down. I don't really feel that I did fantastic for my first time but it definitely was better than I thought. So here are my first Fit Test numbers.

Switch Kicks: 46 reps
Power Jacks: 28
Power Knees: 58
Power Jumps: 17
Globe Jumps: 5
Suicide Jumps: 11
Push-up Jacks: 9
Low Plank Obliques: 18

So in 2 weeks, when I do the next Fit Test, I hope to see an increase in those numbers.

With day one complete, I can rest until day two. Until then, I'm hungry.

insanity starts tomorrow

Yesterday in the mail came one of the scariest things I could ever imagine. Insanity. I can honestly tell you that I am very scared of doing this. Well, more nervous than scared. And excited. It's like a mix of every emotion that you could have and I actually am really happy about that. If I didn't have those kinds of emotions for this, then I don't think that I could fully fulfill my promise to myself that I will do this for 60 days. And when you open the box, and see all the stuff, it kind of just hits you.

This doesn't look so bad...Right?

I read the booklets that came with it and I'm prepared. So, treat this as my Day 0 post. This post serves a lot of purpose for my entire 60 day trip. It'll have my starting measurements, weight and before pictures. So I'm going to apologize to all of you readers now. The pictures you will see are not the most pleasant sights. I can honestly say that I look so much better than I did over a year ago and I have lost a lot of weight to get to the point where I am now. But it's still, to me, a horrible sight. And I get that people will say "You're getting there!" or "It's not bad at all!" or "You're hot!" (my girlfriend says this one a lot). But if I'm going to really see any improvement over the next 60 days, I'm going to have to show you how it started. It's kind of liberating, showing myself without a shirt on and putting it on the internet. So we'll see how this goes.

Definitely not safe for work.

But I start tomorrow. And I think this will be a great thing for me. Now I must go. I'm starving.

Runners Bucket List

Everyone knows what a bucket list is, right? If not, it's a list of activities or events or whatever that you want to do before you die. Over at Dad Runs Disney, my buddy Matt put up an interesting post about a runner's bucket list. It got me thinking. Why haven't I actually come up with a list of races that I would love to do before I die. I mean, I've already accomplished so much running as it is and I've signed up for some amazing events in the past year. But I want more. So much more.

So here's my list of the 10 (!!!) races I want to do before I die, in no particular order.

1. Walt Disney World Dopey Challenge

I wanted to start the list off with this one. Granted, I am doing the 2014 WDW Half Marathon this coming January. With that being said, I really want to accomplish this feat of running perfection. I don't think that my body is currently ready for that feat. I know I was very tempted to do the Goofy Challenge (a full and a half over 2 days) this year but I don't want to screw over my body. So, sometime in the future, I will be doing this race (followed by the Dumbo Double Dare and the Coast-to-Coast in the same year). Just a heads up, I am going to do the Dumbo Double Dare in 2014 and get the coveted Coast-to-Coast medal.

2. The Great Wall Marathon

Just think about it. Running the Great Wall of China as a marathon. Going through all those amazing villages and seeing some fantastic sites. It's definitely something I would love to go do.

3. The Boston Marathon

Honestly, nothing really needs to be said about this one. One day I will qualify.

4. The New York City Marathon

Another hard to enter race but it'd be a dream to get in.

5. Spartan Race Trifecta

True, this is a multi-race event like the Dopey Challenge but this is a dream. I would love to be able to get the Spartan Sprint, Super Spartan and Spartan Beast in one year. Only bad part: it would require a lot of travel on my part to be able to complete them all.

6. Tough Mudder

Similar to the Spartan Race, doing more mud runs are up my alley. I mean, one of the damn obstacles is called Arctic Enema. How great is that!

7. Krispy Kreme Challenge

any race that requires me to eat a dozen doughnuts gets my vote! I'm sure I can convince a few others to join me on this one as well.

Almost done...

8. Hartford Marathon

Another where I am actually doing the half this year. But I would love to do the full for my home state race.

9. Big Sur International Marathon

Any reason to go to California again is worth it. Running from Big Sur, CA to Carmel, CA just sounds like fun. And the view is suppose to be fantastic.

10. London Marathon

Any reason to go to London to run AND dress up as Doctor Who? Sure. I'm game.

insane

So I broke down.

I talked to a friend of mine who I know from runDisney and talked to her about the Insanity program. I honestly can say that I have never ever thought about buying one of those informercial programs. To me, it's always been a waste of money for something that I probably will use once and then never again. But I honestly feel that I need more. I crave more. It's really weird hearing that from me. It's really weird writing it. I always say that I never really pictured myself where I am. But currently, I picture myself better. Stronger.

Didn't think I'd go that route, did you? Probably...
Anyway, I bought it. I honestly spent the money on something to make me a better person. Running gets me there but I need something more. I need a lot more. I've seen inches go away and come back and I don't want that to happen anymore. I want to have a healthier life style and I honestly think this could be the best thing for me to do. I'll still do the gym to go do running but I've always hated weights and lifting. I'm sure I'll be doing that more after the 2 months is up.

Yup. Two months. Of me complaining on this blog.

That's how long this program is. And you know what else I'll be doing? Running. I still have half marathons to train for and I'm not going to stop that. September will be here before I know it and once September 15th comes, I'm going to be busy every freaking weekend.

This is going to be a very tough thing for me to do. But I'm really excited about it.

Plus, after it's all said and done, I can finally be called "Buff Baby."

race after race

This past Sunday was the 5K Foam Fest up in Haverhill, MA. A nice drive. A little over 2 hours to get there. But let me tell you, it was worth it. I did an obstacle course race earlier in the year down in Greenwich, CT but this race was amplified. By like 10. It was fantastic. We got there around 8:30am and had to wait the 2 hours before our wave went. I could be exaggerating this but it felt like we were there for 2 hours. The course started out with a huge uphill run. It was not the greatest thing to do cause it pretty much was uphill for the first mile. This was followed by 5 foot and 8 foot walls.

Walls.

I fucking hate walls.

Back in Greenwich, I tried doing the walls that they had but it was pretty much full sheets of plywood with no footing capability. I pretty much skipped them when it came to those. So when these ones were going to come up, I figured I'd be better at it cause there would be footing holes. I was wrong. Not about the holes. They were there. It wasn't better. I couldn't get any footing in the 5 foot walls and almost made it up the 8 foot wall before falling back to the ground. I felt like a total pussy for walking around them while I watched everyone else able to do it. It kind of ate at me the rest of the race. I was pretty much able to do all the other obstacles but really feel like those walls were my crutch. I wish I was able to finish them.

My team was awesome. So that made up for it.

See, we were awesome.
After this race, I came to the conclusion that I love running. 450 plus miles later and it's finally come to me that this is what I enjoy doing. So much crap has been going on in my life lately. I haven't found a job. I continue to get pressured into starting up a business that I know could be really awesome but at the same time could be a total failure. I'm very confused at what I want to do for the rest of my life. I get scared.

Very, very, very scared.

But when it all comes down to it, running has my back. For the past year, I've been able to rely on it as one of the few things I constantly want to do. As much as my legs swear at me and how my body just wants to give up, I continue to go on. I don't stop. I gain all those extra miles.

I just hope that these miles help me with my life.

Since I love running, I will keep doing races. I have one this Saturday (Run or Dye) and just signed up for the Warrior Dash in September on top of the Half Marathon I have in Westerly in September and a few other races as well by the end of the year. Then it'll be January 2014 and the Disney Half will be within my grasp.

Prove to me I don't like to run.

Quick note

Just a quick note. This weekend is nuts. 10 mile run on Friday, ConnectiCon on Saturday and 5K Foam Fest on Sunday. I'll hopefully have pics

Title

Here I am, sitting in front of my computer, being a nerd and looking at the various Magic cards that are floating all over my desk. As the piles continue to grow, I continue to get more and more ideas for decks. But at the same time, I really start getting more ideas about my life. It's weird that a simple piece of cardboard can really change your outlook on a lot of things, especially ones that are in regards to my future. The more cards that I gain, the more knowledge that I seem to accumulate. Take this card for example:

I learned to never step on a banana peel while I'm next to an empty grave plot.

But in all actuality, it's gotten me to think of what path that I really want to take my life in. And it's been a tough past couple of years for me so something like this is a real eye opener. A real tragic slip. I start to realize which people are with me and which are against me. I don't plan on changing how I am now since I absolutely love who I am, which is absolutely perfect.

This weekend

So starting today, I honestly have so much going on it's ridiculous.

Today I ran 10 miles for my half marathon training. I'm in "week eight" of my training and things are going very well. October will be here before I know it. I feel that I'm seriously prepared for this race. Been training since January and my times are getting better. I'm even keeping my long distance runs around the same mile per minute, which for me is fantastic. I'm very pleased with things so far.

Tomorrow I'm going down to Fairfield, CT to volunteer with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society TNT at the Fairfield 5K. I'll be at the half mile/2.5 mile mark rooting on everyone. It should be a blast. :D I've never been a spectator at a race before so I think I'll have a great time.

Sunday is just bonkers nuts. I have a 3.5 mile trail run at 7:30am, which is only five minutes away from my house. Then I have church at 9:30am, a birthday party for my friend's son at 2:00pm and a softball game for my church at 5:15pm. Maybe I'll be able to fit in a nap. Doubtful. I'll probably be too excited for all the stuff I gotta do. So hopefully it goes by without a hitch.

There's also some other cool news that I don't really want to talk about right now but I think will be awesome if it does happen. :)

6/7/2013

Where do I begin with this?

That's the trouble I seem to be having lately. A lot of shit has been going through my mind and I honestly don't know where to start anything. It just is all over the place in my brain. Everything goes from one spectrum to the other. One day, I could be perfectly fine and not have a care in the world. The next I just start freaking out. Even as I write this, I am having a hard time focusing on what to actually write. This blog was suppose to help me with that and it just seems to delay the process of me finding some sort of "cure" to my madness.

I can't even think straight right now.

So much is going on has gone on in my life that I wish it would all just pack up and leave. On top of having a brain that wants to do so much and can never fulfill half of it really aggravates the fuck out of me. Running seems to be the only thing that really makes me feel sane. During and for a little while after I run, I'm at peace with everything. Nothing is wrong and nothing could ever be wrong. But then things start to sink in and I just start hating so much about me and crap I've done in my life.

But then there are amazing things that have happened. So many amazing things. I never want to lose those. I just wish I knew what to do with my life. What I really want to do. It's just so difficult.

New Shoes

On Monday, I went to a local running store in the Mystic Village to get a new pair of running shoes. The current pair I had, Brooks Glycerine, seemed to not be doing the job I was hoping. My two toes were (and still are) bruised under the toenail. I knew something had to give and I just bit the bullet bought a pair of Asics Kayano 19s. It was on the urging of a fellow runner to go with Asics. He swore by them and when I went to the running store, they told me that they probably would be my best bet for a new pair of shoes. Since my ankles are so bad, I need something that will help with that and give me the support I need in my foot and toes. I was told by the guy helping me to run on a treadmill the first time to see if that's what I really needed. If not, he'd help me with another one.

The problem that I have is that my feet are too big. My right foot measured at a size 12 and my left foot measured at a size 12.5. I didn't realize that my feet were so weird. But I guess they are. So the only option for me is to wear a size 13 so there is enough toe room in my shoe to not constantly bang on the front. After I got home on Monday, I had to prepare myself for the treadmill.

See, I really feel the treadmill is a tool made by the devil. There is no way any person would want to put someone through so much physical pain as to stay in one spot and run for a specific amount of time. Especially when I have to run on them on my 5 mile day. It's just agony. But! I made it through thanks to FX showing Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. It made 5 miles doable.

Today I ran with them on the road and absolutely loved them. I think I found my shoes.

June!

I like June. I never understood why but it always seems to be in my top 5 favorite months out of the year. January is number one, of course, cause of my birthday. It's then followed by December (Christmas), June, November (Thanksgiving) and Easter (since this changes all the time, I'm just leaving it down as the month itself). But June always confused me. Maybe it use to be because it was when school would be done for the summer and it would be time to have awesome times. But now, as an adult, it's just a great month. It's not too hot normally. This week has been the exception, however. Not getting into that.

Moving on.

No job yet. Don't even hear anything from anyone, either. That's the real annoyance. It'd be nice to at least get a "Sorry, we're not interested" email so I feel like my resume actually got there. Makes me really feel like I'm never going to actually find a new job. I apply to at least 5-8 jobs a week. Stuff that I know I can be successful at. It's tough not having knowledge in 90% of the jobs that are being posted. I just hope I get something soon.

My mom told me that everyone is getting furloughed at her work. She stays home one day a week for 11 weeks and loses a days pay each week. I guess that turns into one paycheck a year she will miss. Kind of sucky. Makes me hate the way our government works sometimes.

I guess the last bit of the heat wave ends today. I hope so. It's pool party day at my friends house. I'm excited! Poooooooool.

Halfway Through Training and Then Some

I just looked at my training calendar schedule and realized that I am halfway done with my training for the Hartford Half Marathon in October. It's really crazy to think that in October I will be running a half marathon where my time will be important. True, I am running a half marathon the month before but I'm running with a few other people whose times are not up to mine so I'll be running at a slower pace, which I feel will be perfect for me. Speaking of training schedule...


As you can see, a Dalek knows how much longer I need to go
It's 11:29pm. I started this post hours ago, way before I decided to go out with some friends. I had a huge post I wanted to do and was really excited about it. Now it just seems to have all faded away. And I really hate that because I really have some awesome things going on in my life right now. My fundraiser tournament is going awesome. I have 6 artists who donated stuff already and have a lot more I have to write back as soon as June comes around. I hope it goes as well as last years did. My fingers are crossed on that one. I have some more people to talk to about things but I really hope it goes well. As long as I get the same amount of people as last year, I think things will go well. I hope. A lot.

I'm also thinking about what I want to do with my life. And the more I keep thinking, the more I want to do something that involves cooking. I really keep feeling like I want to own a bakery but I don't know if that's the direction I want to go in. I have a lot of ideas but starting my own thing scares the living crap out of me. So we'll see. A lot of people think my idea is genius but I have to make it work. I'm sure I'll have more on it later.

Maybe next time I'll talk about something more fun. Off to bed. I got 9 miles to run in the morning and I feel like it's going to be a very rainy 9 miles.

Super Long Weekend

Well it has been quite some time since I have written in here. Other than being sick for a week, things have been super busy. I had to get back into running again and started my 9 mile runs this past Friday. That's where things began. After the run, my toenails began killing me. They have been bruised for a few weeks now and running the 9 miles didn't help it either. I'm going to have to put some ice on them tomorrow after I run. If it's raining, I'll probably be running at the gym. I haven't used the membership in over two months and I really should go back. I just thought I would use it more than I have or brought people with me to it. I haven't done either.

Saturday was the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Pineapple Classic 5K. I walked it with my friends Hannah and Christy, both of who aren't serious runners like me. That's why I walked it so I could hang out with them the whole time. It was actually pretty fun. It was an obstacle course race that had wall climbs, hay bail climbs, and an awesome slip-and-slide at the end that had a fire truck hose connected to a water truck waiting for the people at the end. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad I went because I really want to do the 5K Foam Fest in July and Warrior's Dash in September. The more runs, the better.


Today was the best day, however, since it was the day Crissy finally graduated college! I'm so happy for her. It took six years in the making to happen but she finally did it. She even snuck out of the entire proceedings after she was able to walk. She's such a rebel.

Lastly, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I really want to cook. I want to own my own place where I can cook things for people. I watch Triple D (Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives) and other shows on Food Network and see these people that left their old jobs to do stuff like this. I want to bake. I love cooking dinner for people and I really believe that baking is something I could enjoy so much more. Bad Wolf Bakery. It just really seems like an awesome name for a place. I'm not going to say more cause I'm still looking into what I'd have to do first, like farmer's markets or something like that, and I have some places I want to ask some serious questions to but I really think this is my quest in life. So we'll see.

One Very Long Weekend

After I went on my long run this past Friday, I could tell that my allergies were going to be rough. We haven't had much rain in the area for the past couple of weeks before spring really hit and the amount of pollen that was out when I was running was a lot. By the end of the day, I could tell that my allergies were back and that it was going to make for a long day or two. Boy was I wrong on that one. Today was probably the first day that I have been above 50%. I honestly haven't been this way for a while and it really sucks. I had well over 150 emails waiting for me, most of which were junk, but I just really had no ability to even care. Between coughing, being lightheaded and a clogged nose, I didn't want to do anything. I had to take off running for the week, as well, since I didn't want to try and push myself into something and then pass out in the middle of the road and not have anyone find me.

Kinda disappointed that I wasn't able to run. Missing a week hopefully won't be a huge issue. I don't think it will, though. But on the plus side, I am definitely getting better. I'm eager for next week's training, the race that I'm doing next Saturday AND my girlfriend's graduation.

Now to just get rid of this damn cough.

One Whole Year

Today is May 1st. May Day. I was planning on writing this post all day yesterday and I thought maybe I should go and discuss all the important things that happened on this day. But then, in all actuality, I really didn't care that much. It's a very important day throughout history and I really don't know if I want to sit here and talk about...well, actually, nothing. Looking on Wikipedia, May 1st is a really boring day. True, the first cricket match was played in America in 1751 but that's about the extent of exciting historic events. At least the ones that are of interest to me.

But a year ago this month (I don't know the exact day) I started running full time. It was when I started training for my first ever 5K, which was last October. I remember it quite clearly. It was the worse thing I tried doing. I had no ability to run for longer than 10 minutes at a time. A mile was very difficult for me to do when I was first starting out. I would go to this track with my mom that was right down the road from my house. It's a nice dirt track that is a half mile in distance but when I first started, it kicked my ass. Like, I was so out of breath the first time trying it. My calves would kill after each run. My back was in so much pain. I stretched all the time but it still continued day after day. I would take some time off and try again later and it would be fine but then go back to hurting. I eventually changed shoes and all was fine.

The next few months that lead up to the 5K were the hardest months I have ever done. I had the hardest time trying to get to three miles. Other than not having a good way of actually recording my pace and distance, just trying to run farther each week was difficult. I would force myself to go faster and really feel like it wasn't working. The closer to the race, the easier it got to run three miles. I'm sure it's the training that I was doing that helped but it was still very difficult. When it came to the race, I really ran like crazy. I busted my ass to run as fast as I could for three straight miles. When I finished, with a time of 28.02, I felt like a million bucks. All the training that I did and all of the pain and agony that lead up to that moment. I finally finished a race. I did something that I have always wanted to do. And a few days later, I went right back to the pain.

I say all this cause looking back for the last year, I feel like I have come so far. I'm already running eight mile days. I get excited that I'm running nine miles next week. I look at the 28.02 I got in October and then notice the 26.23 I got this past March and see that I have gotten so much better. All this training is really putting me in the right direction. If you asked me a year ago, I would have laughed that I wanted to continue to do this. Ask me two years ago, I would have choked on the food I was shoving into my mouth that I was considering even doing a race. A whole year really makes a difference. I really need to keep those thoughts in my mind, especially when it comes to the rest of my life. One day. I will get there.

Future Fraction

I have a job interview on Thursday. Kind of surprised about it since I honestly don't know what to make of it. I applied to Big Y (yes...I know, sort of a downgrade from my last one) in Groton but got a call back from the one in Mystic. It's not a huge difference for me in location. I just have no idea what the job is even for. That makes it for a more difficult interview. I put in for night stocking so we'll see. Maybe they saw my receiving background from my last job and it'll have something to do with that. Who knows. I'm not gonna jump at it just yet, though. I know that. But we'll see how it goes.

So the other day on my Facebook, I decided that I had an amazing idea. Just didn't want to go into it more. I talked to my girlfriend and her friends and came up with something neat for this blog. I am going to try and record my Disney Half Marathon race in January. What does that mean? I'm going to try and run and record video and talk all at the same time. How am I going to do that? No clue. I honesty have no idea how this will work other than it being a really bad version of Blair Witch Project. I have 8 months to figure this out but I think it'd be pretty cool. I think people would like to know what I think about or what not when I'm running. I'm curious as to what you, the readers, think of this. All three of you.

This weekend I get to weigh myself. I get to the point where I want to know when it gets closer to the end of the month. I really don't care the other 29-30 days but when it gets to be the near the next month, I get anxious. I get excited. I really want to know if I screwed up eating or if I did things correctly. I can tell you that after the past week of trying extra workouts, I feel like I've lost some more weight. I'm hoping to gain muscle out of the deal eventually. And burpees...they are a bitch! I'm enjoying doing them but wow. I have no idea if I am doing them correctly. Going to YouTube them after I post this. I think things are getting better in the workout regimen. I'm getting more and more excited as each day passes.

Forerunner 110

On Sunday, I ordered the Garmin Forerunner 110 off of Amazon.com after much debate at to what I wanted for a running watch. I read a lot of reviews and finally came to the conclusion that I wanted this one. And it came Tuesday, in a cool little box. Mind you, I'm not the greatest person to review things. I find that just saying "I like this" or "I hated that" suffices. But I will try my hardest.


I busted the thing open as soon as I got it. There was no hesitation from me. Why? I love new technology. When I got my Nextus 10, it was in my hands within seconds of seeing the box. The only downfall was that I had to sit and wait for it to charge up. Sad Jeremie was sad. After a few hours, I turned it on, went outside and had it connect to the satellite so it could put the time and date in. It's really accurate at the time of the picture.


Today I actually used it to go for a jog this morning. I wanted to check how it stood up to my Runkeeper app I have on my iPhone. I've been using Runkeeper since I started running and actually keeping track of it, which has only been a few months. But the watch was bought to replace the app since I felt that I would get a more accurate reading than the app. The problems I really have with Runkeeper on the phone are that it sometimes takes FOREVER to connect to a GPS and that it eats the battery on my phone alive. So I did my run and started them up at about the same time, give or take a few seconds since Runkeeper decided not to sync to a GPS at first. After my Wednesday 3 miler was over, I rushed home to do my other exercises and then uploaded everything to Garmin and Runkeeper. After all was said and done, the results came and I was actually quite pleased with how close Runkeeper was to my Garmin.


After seeing the results were closer to what I actually thought they were to begin with (I always had the feeling that Runkeeper was adding miles onto my total for not connecting to the GPS at random times). I definitely am going to keep using this watch for all my runs, including races. I think it's actually a pretty neat watch, especially for a person who hates watches. And the ability to upload my runs to GarminConnect is pretty sweet.

Get Lucky

If you haven't seen/heard this, you're missing out. Can't wait for this CD to drop.

Edge of the Earth

This Friday will begin "Week 6" of my training for the Hartford Half Marathon. I'm quite excited. After the four weeks of doing this, and having my long runs be nine miles, I will be halfway done with my training. I honestly didn't think that this would be coming up so quickly. I mean, I started January 4th of this year. It doesn't really feel like I've been going that long, especially when I look at my training schedule. Granted, my schedule is just on a piece of paper but it works for me in so many ways. It might not make much sense to someone else but it has helped me this much so far.


This past Friday was a great run and it pushed me over 210 miles this year. I really enjoyed it a lot. And I'm starting to get my minutes per mile at a solid number floating around 9 minutes per mile, as you can see below. It makes me very, very, very, very, very happy to know that, someone like me who complained a lot about his weight is able to do this. Doing it this quickly, too, is fantastic. I'm going at my own pace and I'm really shocked (I don't know if shocked is the right word) that I'm doing so damn well! I'm doing so well, in fact, that I've decided that I'm going to register for another half marathon in September called Surftown at Misquamicut Beach over in Rhode Island. Am I nuts? Probably. September, October and January so far will all have half marathons that I'm participating in. On top of four other 5K races I'm doing between now and October. Yea, I think that qualifies as nuts.


I'm just really happy I found something, exercise-wise, that I really enjoy. And I'm glad that I'm continuing to do it so well, too. Next month will be my first full year or running. Granted, I took some time off in November and December last year but I began my training for my first 5K last year in May. And now look at me. Been training since January for a half marathon. I've come so, so far. I just wish that I could see it in myself more often. I hope that's something that will come to me over time.

Remembering Boston

I want to write this huge thing about the attack at the Boston Marathon. I had this huge idea in my head to write this gigantic post about how I felt about it and how it meant to me. But the words won't come. I don't know if there are any words that will express my sadness for the life loss and the injuries people have had because of this horrific event. The Boston Marathon is suppose to be an event of a lifetime, something that, like Stephen Colbert recently said, people do on their day off and enjoy. There should never be a reason to have a terror attack on people in general. But specifically, there should never be a reason people should be afraid of doing something they enjoy doing. People shouldn't be scared to go out and enjoy a run on a beautiful day. But that's what has happened. My girlfriend wrote me a text the day after the bombings and told me she was scared that it might happen at any of the races that I'm doing. That I might get hurt or worse. It's sad knowing that. And it's scary knowing that whoever planted those bombs might have won. True, Boston is very strong and I will be keeping every victim in my mind whenever I run. But putting the image that this could happen anywhere or at anytime during any event into people's heads could have been the victory that the attacker wanted. I'm not going to give him or her that victory. I will continue to run and never be scared of doing something I'm enjoying. I don't think anyone will.

Weight problems

I never really thanked myself for being fat overweight when I was growing up. Wait. Did I really say that? I'm pretty sure you're probably wondering why I would even thank myself for that. It doesn't really make sense to be happy for being overweight. But that's not what I'm saying. It really starts back when I was a kid growing up. I was actually quite skinny until I got tonsillitis and pneumonia. Once I had my tonsils taken out, and I could eat again, I did what any kid would do. Eat. More than you could imagine. I blew up. I became a blimp. And there was absolutely no stopping me. Put food in front of me and it was gone. My parents even jokingly called me "The Bottomless Pit."

How did I stop so I could lose weight? I didn't. No exercise or weight loss for me. True, I played hockey and that was about the only sport I could play but being a big kid was beneficial to me on the team. So I continued to stay big, all through elementary, middle and high school. I clearly remember sitting in health class during middle school and had one of the girls in the class turn around, look at me in the eyes, and say that I had sausage thighs. Sausage thighs. Who the hell says that to someone who was already a social outcast to begin with? That stuck with me for years. I continued to get fat and just always looked back, remembering the girl laughing about that to my face. But it was never seen as a push to me. Like, I never saw it as a reason to get control for my life.

During college, I did try and lose weight. I went to the gym since it was free for students to go to. I was up at six in the morning every day and I would drag myself to the gym on the other end of campus. That eventually stopped since I was just bored. I wouldn't say bored of going to the gym. I was just bored of doing it. I didn't really care that much. I just looked at myself and would said "Well, you made it nineteen years being this way, what's another couple of more?". And that really stood out, years later, as the turning point of my life. I would eventually go into deep, dark depressions to the point where I really would really want to end my own life. Nothing drastic. Just cutting myself. In all actuality, I think it was just a cry for pity. I never once harmed myself and don't think that I could honestly do it. I just knew that I was in a dark hole that I couldn't get out of.

Afterwards, my life went into a downward spiral that I am so very surprised I was able to get out of. I went through some life changing moments. Things seemed to go from bad to worse and with that came more eating and more weight gain. I even capped myself at around 290 lbs by this time. When I was finally able to get out of the state of despair that I was in, I started to change things around. I began to start feeling better about myself, even if the weight was a huge determining factor on my life and the things I wanted to do. I still was negative with myself (and to this day I still am but not as much as I use to be) but I made it a mission to try and remove that from everything. Things were the most difficult in this time. I didn't think I could ever change back to something I never saw myself as. But I persevered.

I started Weight Watchers in 2010 and lost a lot of the weight but I couldn't see myself paying for it and went off of it the next year, gaining some (20 lbs) back. And then I met my girlfriend. I wouldn't say that she was the reason I changed but she was a huge reason behind the change. I started getting control of my life and realized what I wanted my life to be like. I knew what I wanted to do. So I got into running, something I had tried starting a few years prior but never could really see myself doing full time. I promised her that I would run a 5K in honor of her and her struggles in life (cancer) and I did it. Afterwards, I didn't stop. I continued to run and train for the next race. I wanted to get better. And, deep in the back of my mind, I wanted that little boy in middle school who was picked on for having sausage thighs to flick off every person that ever made fun of him. As difficult as that is now, me doing this training pretty much is telling all the doubters to go screw themselves. I've ran 193 miles this year so far and it is making me such a stronger person. But it does lead me to one conclusion.

Being overweight has made me who I have become now.

To me, this helps me realize that I've overcame a lot of personal struggles. I definitely have more to go but weight will not be something that keeps me down. Looking in the mirror now reveals a different person, someone that I actually like looking at.

Watch

Maybe it's time I get a GPS watch for when I run. Runkeeper is good and all but every runner I see has one. I really wish I didn't get fired.

Training Is Fun

So Friday started "week" 5 of my training for the ING Hartford Half Marathon. I put quotes around week since my training schedule is a little bit different than most others. When I started training back on January 4th, I needed to make a calendar for me to run by. It was going to be difficult on an actual calendar so instead I put it on a piece of paper. I knew that running 13.1 miles was going to be the hardest thing I could ever do. Every "week" is actually three weeks, with the exception of 4 "weeks" where they are four weeks long. I'm sure that made absolutely no sense but I don't know how to write it differently. But the training is going well! October will be awesome.

I'm actually enjoying it. I have been enjoying it for a few months now. It's something that I was talking to my mom about today. I honestly wish that I was running back in high school. I know why I didn't (bad ankles) but I should have at least tried. Maybe things would be different. Who knows.

This will be short today. I'm passing out as I type this. I do have one last thing. I got in to the runDisney Walt Disney World Half Marathon. January! I'm so excited. I also want to do the one in Disneyland in August and get the coast to coast medal. So that's my plan.

I hate titles.

Oh. My. God.

I'm currently watching Wheel of Fortune. I know, I know. It's not as exciting as it sounds and doesn't warrant an OMG at the start of a blog post. I'm just excited that they had an add for house boats! What fun that would be. Having a huge thing that's part boat, part house. And has a hot tub. On a boat. Who would have thought that'd ever be possible? Not this guy, obviously. Not this guy.

Speaking of Wheel, I like when they hit bankrupt.

So tonight I'm going to go see the Evil Dead remake. I'm quite excited. Ever since they announced it, I was ready for it. Evil Dead has always been one of my favorite horror cult classics. It's just so perfect in every sense of the word. And I'm really hoping that the new one will be just as good, if not better. The previews I've seen for it have scared the shit out of me every time I watch them. Even the PG trailers scare me. And as I write this, they just released the new trailer for Carrie. I love horror. So much.

8 miles tomorrow. For the next three weeks. Shouldn't be too bad. I have to find my extra mile to run though. I will probably do it tonight. I'm getting more excited.

Also. I'm happy that I'm not working at the Evil Corporation anymore. Things are much better in my life. Just have to make it through my unemployment hearing. Then I can relax for a while.

My Life Is Changing

The title says it all. My life is changing. And I honestly don't know if that's for the good or for the bad. Let me explain.

This week, I was fired from my job. Huge shock to me cause I wasn't expecting it. I rather not go into all the details but let's just say that I need to figure out my life. I have a lot of things that are on my plate. I have a very troubled past that freaks me the fuck out. I have a lot of forgiveness I need to give to myself that I really just don't think think I can do. At least not yet anyway. Cause I honestly don't think I deserve it. As I sit here, cleaning our bamboo floors with a scrubber, I start thinking more about what I need to do and what I should do. Is it bad that both of them seem to be the opposite?

I need to file unemployment. I need to find a job. I need to do what is expected of me in society.

But at the same time, I should just focus on what I love. I should find my life path. I should just let everything go. I should just forgive myself.

They might not seem different, but to me, they totally are. I have had an issue my entire life about being focused. I never really could just stay on a set cobblestone road. Instead, I tend to go into the woods and back many, many times. I can never stay on a straight course. I'm really hoping that my wanting to go back to church will help with this. But I need to figure things out now. At least, that's what my mind is saying. It's just so difficult. And while I'm writing this, I just feel like I'm rambling and that none of this really matters. Which is a real problem for me. It goes back to not staying on the right course. Jumping around isn't something I need to do. It's not something I should do. It's just something I do.

So far, the only right track I'm taking is my training. Running seems to keep me focused but only for the time I'm doing it. I should just force it into my every day life. Not the running. The focus. I should take what I have learned from all this training and just put it into my life somehow. Maybe that would make the rest of my life focused.

And then there is the issue of what I want to do for my life. I really want to help people. Doing the fundraisers and raising money feels so good to me. I would love to start my own business but when it comes down to it, I have no idea what to do. I'm not business savvy. So I don't know what to do. It freaks me out that I don't know. I get paranoid about it. I'm really scared.

But somehow, all the freaking, being all scared and super paranoid does something I don't expect.

It makes me smile.

O'Niantic 2013

This past Saturday was my second official running 5K (the first being at the Hartford Marathon last October) - the O'Niantic 2013 5K. I have been excited for this one since January when I started up my training for the half marathon I'll be doing this October in Hartford, CT. And what better way to start the running season by doing an event that's right next door to my home town. And the coolest part: I got to wear all green! Yup. It was a St Paddy's Day race. Friday I went and picked up my race bib and got good ol' number 87, which is my good luck number.*


So the race started a little before 10am and there were over 800 people there. I was ready to go at 9am. I wanted to run. The day before I ran 7 miles in an hour and five minutes and I wanted to get in this last 3.1 miles before the weekend was up. 10 miles in two days doesn't seem too weird, does it? I didn't think so. Once everyone began running, it was like the last race I did: everyone just bunched up together until people started breaking out. I had to get past people that were going too slow/walking for my enjoyment. I know my pace and that definitely was not it. The nice part about this course was the whole thing was flat. Very, very enjoyable since I've been running hills for the past three months during training.

When I hit about 1 mile, I already saw the person in the lead heading back to finish the race. Yea, about 10 minutes in someone already had done 2 miles. Good for him. Found out he finished the race 16:06. I'd be dead if I did that. I hit the 2.5/2.75 mile mark and started booking it into the next gear. I've been practicing a lot to try and cut my time down by speeding up towards the end of a run. It's been going well for me so far so I decided to do it again. About the 3 mile mark, I saw my dad and could hear him say "You're under 27 minutes. Hurry the fuck up." I love my dad. I don't know where I got the extra energy from but it was there and I turned it to 11. I crossed the line and saw my time.

26:23.

I honestly could not believe it. My last 5K had a time of 28:02. Granted there were no hills in this one and hills definitely slow me down but I'm super pleased with my time. I got hugs and kisses from the girl and high fives from the parents. My day was complete, especially when I was handed my prize for finishing.

Yes, I won a pint glass.
*Note: I never really had a lucky number in my lifetime. I just thought it was pretty cool that my race bib was below 100 for a number. And I honestly don't believe in lucky numbers but probably should after all of this.

Also, I finally realized I'm losing weight when I first saw these pics. Go figure.

Shattered Glass

So ten days later and I finally remember that I should write in this.

Things are going very well. I have a meeting with the board of trustees for my friend's church to try and get my fundraiser held there this year on Wednesday. I'm sort of nervous/sort of ready for the meeting. On one hand, I don't know these people and I don't know how they are going to handle my fundraiser. On the other, my friend said not to worry. So we'll see. I'm getting more and more excited for this fundraising event. I think the Disneyworld Half Marathon will be awesome. Oh the plans I have.

Speaking of running, things are going fantastically well. Last weekend I registered for the Hartford Half Marathon and I found out it's the 20th running. So I'm really excited to be a part of it. The closer I get, the more happier I feel. And this Friday is my next mountain to climb: 7 Miles. Last two weeks were my 6 mile runs and I nailed them. Around 60 minutes for both. If I keep this pace up, the half marathon in October will be so easy for me. But I'm just looking one day at a time. I can't jump ahead of myself and hope that things go well. If I want to succeed at this race as well as others, I have to keep it going the way I have it. I also get to try my GU Energy Gel on Friday. First up is vanilla. So we'll see how I enjoy it. If I enjoy it.

I also started doing more chest and ab workouts to try and lower my upper body body mass. I'm going to stick with it for a month and see if there is any noticeable changes. I hope so cause the exercises I'm doing are killer on me, especially after running 3-4 miles. But I have complete faith in myself. And I'm really enjoying this training. I never thought I'd find something I could really enjoy.

This Saturday is also my first race of the year. I'm going to Niantic, CT and doing the O'Niantic 5K. Apparently it's suppose to rain so we'll see how that goes. I hope it doesn't cause I don't want it to be postponed on me. I also found out there is going to be a race in June that's 5 minutes from my house. I'm super excited about that one and can't wait to find out more info when they release it. I'll try and post some pictures after the race is up so everyone can see.

Other than that, life is going good. Hope the sadness I had last week was just a one time thing. I didn't like that at all.